So the Kerry meltdown has begun. Here’s how it all started. James and I were on the phone tonight, and somehow we got on the subject of dogs. We were talking about his family’s dogs, and , and some of their antics, and–well–thoughts of Kerry came to the forefront of my mind. I kept imagining those dogs, and imagining her, and wondering whether or not she would have gotten along with them. I just kept seeing her face in my mind’s eye, and that was when the first tears finally came. I tell everyone I’m ok with everything, and maybe inside most days I believe it, but there is a part of me who isn’t ok with it. Part of me knows and has told the rest of me that she is not coming back. I miss her terribly. I miss that beautiful soft yello fur, the beautiful face, that cold wet nose, (even when it was gently nudging my ear at six in the morning,) and I miss how she used to get up on her hine legs and dance with me. I think it’s finally completely hitting me that she’s gone. Today I was looking for something, and I found that doggie basket I won afew months ago, and there was still a bone-shaped cookie in there that I never got to give her. I have to think about who I’m going to give that to. I’m thinking I might give it to Christine at work for Lexie, because she used to bring me all kinds of stuff in for Kerry all the time. But I feel better knowing I’m not cold hearted, and now I can face it and deal with it. She was a part of my life for five and a half years, so this isn’t going to be easy. I know I’m not there, but I will be eventually. I wanted to say a public thanks to James for being there during my random bout of crying.
School is going farely well considering. Wednesday night’s sweedish class was awesome. Matt did a full body massage demonstration, and I got to be the, um, full body. Can’t go wrong there. There were places on my back that hurt like a bitch, but I had to let him do it, because I needed him to relieve the tension. More importantly, it got me thinking. When he was doing it, his hands flowed like water. There were no breaks, and he was very confident and sure of himself and what he was doing. I wondered to myself as he was doing it, if I could ever be that good. I wondered if I’d ever be comfortable and confident enough to have people undress, and actually touch places on their body that either are tense or that have been hurting them for long periods of time. I just pray that I can gain the confidence to do it. As long as I am sure of myself, then the people shouldn’t feel uncomfortable either.
Also, that night, we talked about the history of massage, of course, and about boundaries and professionalism. He warned us about a few things that might happen, and what we could do about them. We talked about the stereotype that massage therapy is somehow connected with sexual favors. He warned us that erections are going to happen, and that most of the time, the guys are embarrassed by it, but there are those few who will act inappropriately. Also, he told us that once in a while, we might get that “What did you do to me? I’m in a lot of pain.” call. Basicly, he said that with therapy, sometimes we take a step back before taking two steps foreword. So something might be painful for them for a while, but it will get better. He warned us that people might not feel comfortable undressing, and it will be harder to feel the tissues, and reach places through their clothes. We talked about a lot of common sense issues, like not falling in love or having sex with clients, not talking about clients to other clients, calling the massage table a table rather than a bed, how to arrange the sheets on the table so people don’t think you’re making them ly in a bed, and more. We talked about covering the person, and how to uncover whatever parts we’re doing, and cover them back up again. It was a lot of information, but I think I can get it eventually.
Thursday night was the myology class. Actually, with the acception of all the diagrams, it’s going to be easier than I thought it would be. It’s certainly going to require a lot of memorization, so here’s hoping I still have some good brain cells left. Again, with this class, she’ll be emailing the notes to us, so I’ll have that, plus even though I don’t have the book in accessible format, I have the print book, which I can scan as long as kurzie cooperates, so I think I’ll be ok. I just need to email her and discuss the whole diagram issue, because the bulk of our first homework assignment is going to involve identifying things in diagrams, which, um, forsome reason, I can’t do. LOL! But I have a feeling we’ll figure it out somehow, because she, also being the A&P instructor, is very easy to work with. She gives a lot of homework for this class, but she’s also very lenient about it. Plus, I know that if I have an issue, all I have to do is talk to her about it. I actually have my first test in that class in about two weeks. It’s going to be about joints, Tendons, and ligaments. The difference between a sprain and a strain, which joints bend how, and so on and soforth. I’m excited about this so far.
So I did a bunch of scanning last night, and I plan to devote most of tomorrow to doing homework. I’ve got a sweedish assignment due Monday, and this myology thingy due thursday. I’m also going to email Christine about the diagram issue, but do what I can of the myology. Well, I’m off to enjoy a quiet very restful sunday.