Life in the Nuthouse

Is my mind on overdrive, or is the universe trying to tell me something?

Jessica — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 00:29:11 +0000

Yah…I know…I haven’t blogged in a few days. I’m well aware of this; in fact, I’ve been kicking my own ass for months because I just haven’t had the motivation to write. I’ve actually got four things in mind that I could write about tonight. There’s that very public post I’ve been itching to write for what seems like forever about the things one doesn’t want to know, but should know about one Bradley M Blair, There’s that tribute post I need to buckle down and write about Ted, and what little I knew about his life. (Yah, I was pissed at him, but that old dork was like a big brother to me for a long time.) There’s the usual…”what kind of sheer unexciting shit I’ve been up to,” and there’s the one about the rather disturbing dreams I’ve been having. I’m in a rather angry mood, so I should write about post A. But…I don’t want to. Ted’s post is going to take some brain power that I just don’t have at the moment. I work in a call center for a hotline. I just got off work. My brain says…”are you fucking nuts?” It’s been about two months since I’ve written a “what have I been up to” post, and I know that’s going to be a novel. So I’m going to write about the dreams I’ve been having.
Some say dreams are premonitions. Others say they’re a way to process the happenings of the day. Some say they’re a way to figure out what’s going on in the subconscious mind. Even others say dreams are mere messages from spirits, or the universe, or God/goddess. I say…it’s a little bit of all four. I know dreams are supposed to be strange, and…well…out there, but dude, what the hell?
The first dream was about two weeks ago. My dad was alive, and he’d come to visit me for some reason. He had someone with him, a woman, but I can’t say if it was a relation, or a significant other. Anyway, he wanted me to move to Colorado with him so we could pull our financial resources together, and I could start a new life. At the same time, my friend Julie was calling me and telling me that our job was slowly and painfully going to hell in a hand basket. So, I took my dad’s offer to move to Colorado with him. That was the weird part. James and I were still together, but I don’t know what would have become of that if, in the dream, I’d actually have done it. I lived in Colorado off and on back in the late nineties and the first part of 2000. I loved Denver, but I thought Longmont left a lot to be desired. Some would say I belong in Boulder, because of the eclectic mix of people that live there, but I never did move there.
The next dream was about my friend, Emma and her friend Taren. We were sitting outside at someone’s house, and it was a summer day. I remember people swimming in an above ground pool, and me being upset, because I didn’t bring a swim suit. Emma and I were sitting in chairs talking when Taren comes over, and announces that she found a house where we all could live, but the landlord won’t accept guide dogs. I correct her by saying I don’t have a guide dog anymore. Emma says “but you’re going to be getting another one.’ Then I started arguing with myself, in the dream, about whether or not I wanted to get another dog. Then, Taren starts looking in the paper for houses for us three, and another person– I don’t remember who it was–to live.
Then, a couple nights ago, I dreamed I’d gone on a mini road trip to Long Island. No, not to stock Billy Joel, Honest. I was staying in a hotel, and hanging out with a group of friends. Someone brought Kerry, my last guide dog, to me, and said I could keep her for the time I was there. One of the first things I noticed, however, was that she appeared to be in some discomfort. I thought she had to park, but on closer inspection, I noticed she had a horrible ear infection that spread to the side of her head outside the ear. It was brown and red and bloody, and just disgusting. I remember wanting to find a vet, but not knowing how to even start looking. I didn’t even know how to communicate to the people I was with that I needed a vet. I knew, for some reason, that there was a good vet near by, who dealt with a lot of guide dogs, but I just couldn’t communicate what I needed.
Last night’s dream, most of the details escape me. All I know is that I’m about to move out of here, into an old house with a bunch of other people. I think I know these people well, and I’m excited about the prospect of living with them. The bedroom I’m about to move into, I have dreamed of before. My bed is by the window, and there’s a fan either near by or in the window. I remember not having a lot of stuff to move accept for my bed, computer, and maybe a few little things. I remember wondering if my bed would even be big enough to fit by the window.
So…Universe, What the hell are you trying to tell me? Like that robot in Short Circuit says, “Need More Input.”

Well…I managed to survive it.

Jessica — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 04:02:17 +0000

Today turned out to be a really good day with the acception of a minor freak-out at Tim Hortons this morning. We got up at about the same time I usually do for work, left about the same time as I normally would for work, and even got home at about the same time. I thought that was rather ironic.
Heather and her friend came and got us, and of course, we had to hit the nearest Starbucks, because…everyone meet Heather…she’s a starbucks addict. LOL! Then we were on our way to Buffalo. We got there early, so because I didn’t get anything for breakfast, I asked them to stop somewhere so I could get something, and there just happened to be a Tim Hortons near by, so I went in to get me a bagle and that maple donut I like. That was when I had my many freak-out. It didn’t last long. I guess I apparently started flipping out, because I was having a hard time hearing people…or something. I jsut remember Heather telling me it was because I was freaking out and I had every right to be. It was a little embarrassing, but what can you do.
My original reader got really sick apparently, so they got one of the procters to fill in. The test took me about three hours to get through, because I had her read stuff twice so I could pay attention to certain details that were important. I didn’t finish it until about 4:00, and I was starving by the time I got out. After that, we all went over to the anchor bar for some really true Buffalo wings, and I ate like a pig. I almost had a couple of drinks, but decided against it, as nobody else seemed to want to drink, and I didn’t want to be the only one. So I resolved to get sloshed tomorrow night.
As far as the test itself, I think it went better this time, but I can’t be sure. I won’t know for another eight weeks or so. I can tell you, however, that I have resolved that if I fail this one, I’m not retaking it again. I’ve never been one to give up on things, but if the universe is working against it, there’s not a lot I can do about that. The only thing I can do is try a couple of times, and if it doesn’t work out, find something else, or figure out exactly what it is that I’m meant to do. I can safely say that I’ve learned a great deal from this experience; about the body, about things you should and shouldn’t do with the body, or with people who have certain conditions, so I guess at this point, that’s all that matters. So for now, I’ll patiently wait to see how I did, then, if I fail, I’ll begin reassessing my life and what I want to do as a career from there. If I pass, well, I’ll probably either find somewhere to work, or see about doing some freelance massages to get me started. Then, I’ll research what it takes to get lisenced in Ontario.
We got home, and just relaxed. I didn’t have to cook, because we stuffed ourselves at the Anchor bar, and stopped at Sugar Mountain for cup cakes on the way home. James cleaned up my bath tub and drew me a bath, which was very relaxing. Other than that, it’s been a low-key evening. Unfortunately, I have to go back to work tomorrow, but the good news is…it’s Friday so hopefully, it won’t be too busy. James feels the need to cut out on Saturday night, so I’m going to be by myself after that.

Tomorrow is the day

Jessica — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 01:10:44 +0000

So…tomorrow is it; The moment of truth. This is my second opportunity to take the New York state board exam for massage therapy. I decided at about 6:30 tonight that if I don’t know most of this stuff by now, I won’t know it…ever. It’s all lined up; Got the ride from the ever so generous fun, and not to mention wild and crazy Heather, got the fiance here to support me since he didn’t get to last time, all I need is…a miracle. So, Here goes the second time of nothing, and any thoughts/prayers/good energy is very much appreciated.
I have a lot lot lot to blog about, and I’m just figuring out how I’m going to do it, because it’s been so bloody long. But I will be posting something this weekend.

Promoting a very tallented friend

Jessica — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:36:17 +0000

I posted this, because I felt that it deserved it’s own entry. Last weekend, my friend Meka participated in a state karioke competition, and…drumroll please…she won second place. This is very good news, because she gets to go to Albuquerque–my old stompint ground–on August 7th and 8th to participate in the regionals. So if anyone is interested in watching her awesome performances, they’re right here for your listening pleasure.

She and her friend are trying to raise funds so she can attend the regionals in august. If you are interested in assisting her, please email Cindy at
cindy.vw@msn.com

A little about me

Jessica — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:20:16 +0000

I don’t normally do this often, but someone posted this on LJ, so I thought I’d fill it out.

Three names I go by:
1. Jessica
2 samari
3 Jess

Three jobs:
1 Target stores,
2. Arbys
3. ABVI

Three places I’ve lived
1. Albuquerque
2. Las Vegas
3. Denver

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
I don’t have cable, so I don’t watch much TV unless I’m at a friend’s house.

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Noxville, TN
2. Yorktown Heights NY,
3. Jersey city NJ

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Ireland
2. France,
3. Scotland

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Cheese
2. Ice cream
3. Pickles

THREE OF MY FAVORITE DRINKS
1. coke
2. Anything peach flavored
3. Rum and cokes

THREE THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. Getting this massage test done and over with
2. Getting married and doing it right this time
3. James possibly coming to visit.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
raw spinach with blue cheese dressing

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
In front of the unitarian church about two years ago

3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
I can’t even play guitar. LOL!

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
Everybody ripping on Marvin in a meeting

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I stayed up until about 1:30. We were roleplaying, and then James and I were talking on the phone.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Yes!!!

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Nah, I was too busy taking pictures of them.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Heather, Candi, Renee, taren, and Emma

9. Do you believe exes can be friends?
It really depends on the people and how strong they are.

10. How do you feel about Dr.Pepper?
Yummy stuff!!!

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Last february. I was really drunk and I just lost it one night.

12. Who took your profile picture?
Bill.

13. Who was the last person of whom you took a picture?
The side profile of James.

14. Was yesterday better than today?
Both about the same.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
I’ve been doing it for two years.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Of course they are. The human race craves that interaction.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Oh please! Some would think I’m a goody goody two shoes.

19. Night out or night in?
Depends on how I feel

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Purse, cel phone, Keys, MP3 player

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
It’s been so long I don’t even remember.

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
Emma found something she lost.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
Excited about the prospect of being with James fulltime, but anxious about money and jobby stuff.

24. Do you hate anyone?
No. I’ve come close with a small few people, but dislike would be the word I’d use.

25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
A couple of messages from people.

26. If you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Probably

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Maybe sarcasticly or joking.

28. What song is stuck in your head?
No earworms right now.

29. Someone knocks on your door at 2:00am, who do you want it to be?
I’d want it to be James, but if any of my other friends did it on the weekends I wouldn’t care.

30. Wanna have grand kids by the time you’re 50?
Not gonna happen at this point. LOL!

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Go to work, Pay bills

32. What do you think of your significant other’s family?
Awesome! I admire the fact that they’re so close and they work together.

33. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much.

34. Do you smile a lot?
Not really.

35. Who do you miss?
James and my dog Kerry still

36. Have you ever been so tired that your eyes burned?
Oh yah!!!

37. Do you have an online game that you play often?
Not really. I stay away from them, because they’re so adictive.

38.Are you sitting in a spinny chair at the moment?
Yah.

39. Look to your left, what do you see?
A love seat

40.How’s the weather where you are?
Pretty hot

What is currently sore in your body at the moment?
My legs particularly my quads

Name one person you’ve never had a fight with?
DR Heather

What was the name of the last pet of yours that died?
Lamont

Any movies out that you’d like to go see?
Nah

What color is the couch closest to you?
Off white

What is an old TV show that’s not on anymore that you wish was?
everybody loves raymond

Are you looking forward to anything this week?
Not really. Don’t know who’s doing what this weekend.

Do you wear glasses?
No

Do you have another internet window open? If so, what site are you on?
My RSS reader

What’s the longest you’ve gone without talking to someone when you were mad?
I think Tasha and I went a couple of months without speaking.

How many lights are on in the room you’re in?
None. Too lazy to turn them on.

What’s the last thing you ate?
An egg salad sandwich and some raw spenach/tomato salad type thingy.

Do you wish you could sprout another arm to make life easier?
God no! That would be just one more appendage I’d have to worry about.

Do you know how to drive?
Tried it once.

Which are you better at, Math or English?
Probably math.

What’s your favorite channel on the TV?
I like the history channel. I’ve seen lots of interesting things on there.

How long does it take you to normally take a shower?
About fifteen minutes give or take.

Is your bedroom clean? If it’s not, when do you plan on cleaning it?
Nah, are you kidding? I’ll probably do some cleaning this weekend.

What kind of accent would you say you like the best?
Irish

Ever been on a picnic?
Yes.

What color is your cell phone?
Black.

What Color Is Your Tooth brush?
Clear

Name One Person That Made You Smile Today?
James

What Were You Doing At 8 Am This Morning?
Trying to wake up.

What Were You Doing 45 Minutes Ago?
Eating and reading RSS feeds.

What Is Your Favorite Candy?
Reeces peanutbutter cups, baby!!!

What’ s the last thing you said out loud?
Probably yelling at this machine.

What Is The Best Ice Cream Flavor?
Butter pecan

What Was The Last Thing You Had To Drink ?
Peach wedge

What Is The Longest You Have Gone Without Sleeping?
A couple of days

Have You Ever Made A Promise You’d Die To Keep?
No

Have You Bought Any New Clothing Items This Week?
No

The Last Sporting Event You Watched?
A hockey game with James about a year and a half ago.

What Is Your Favorite Flavor Of Popcorn?
Lots of butter, or lots of cheesey butter.

Who Is The Last Person You Sent A Message On Facebook?
Probably my friend Lisa. I was responding to a question she asked me.

Ever Go Camping?
Yep

Do You Take Vitamins Daily ?
I’ve been bad about that.

Do You Go To Church Every Sunday?
No

Do You Drink Your Soda With A Straw?
No

What Are You Doing Tomorrow?
Working and I don’t know what else.

Where Is Your Dad?
Deceased But always with me in spirit

What Color Is Your Watch?
Silver, I think

What Do You Think Of When You Hear Australia?
Rachel K., Alice D., Kerry H. Grace K. Shon G.,

What did you do yesterday?
Had to meet with someone, then worked.

Do You Go In At A Fast Food Place Or Just Hit The Drive Thru?
Depends on who I’m with or if I’m alone.

What Is Your Favorite Number?
3 I love numbers.

Who’s The Last Person You Talked To On The Phone?
Some customer at work.

Any plans today?
No. Going to get intimate with my bed.

Biggest Annoyance In Your Life Right Now?
People taking so long to get back with me.

Last Song Listened To?
I didn’t listen to any music today.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?
I have to think about it, but sure.

Do You Have A Maid Service Clean Your House ?
No. I should though, but not comfortable with it.

Favorite Pair Of Shoes You Wear All The Time?
This pare of sandles that really needs to be replaced.

Are You Jealous Of Anyone?
It’s no secret that I have jealousy issues. I just know how to keep them at bay, because they don’t solve anything.

Is Anyone Jealous Of You?
Don’t know.

Do you love anyone?
Yes. Lots of people.

What Do You Usually Do During The Day?
Work my arse off answering phones in a call center.

Do You Hate Anyone That You Know Right Now?
Nah. Dislike, maybe, but not hate.

Do You Use The Word ‘hello’ Daily ?
Yah when I can’t hear callers, or they hang up on me.

Do You Like Cats?
Long live the feline!!!

Have You Ever Been To Six Flags ?
Yes! Senior trip

How Did You Get Your Worst Scars ?
Got punched when I was ten. It’s still there after 23 years.

Last Cd Played?
A long long time ago.

Have You Ever Slept Until 1pm?
Oh yes, and later.

List Four People You Tell Pretty Much Anything
Candi, James, Julie, and DR Heather

List Three Favorite Colors/ shades.
Blue, red, purple

Laughed Until You Cried?
Oh yah.

Gay Marriage?
I see nothing wrong with it. I don’t see why people are so against it.

Lowering The Drinking Age?
They’re going to do it anyway whether it’s lowered or not so…

Who Are The Best Huggers That You Know?
James

Do You Believe In Love At First Sight ?
Depends on the people and the chemistry

Is There Something You Want To Tell Someone?
Yes a few things for a few people

Would You Kiss Anyone On Your Top Friends?
Maybe

How Many Kids Do You Want To Have?
At least one

Do You Want To Change Your Name?
Nah

Last Time You Saw Your Father?
I was eleven.

What Time Did You Wake Up Today ?
Someone called me at about quarter after eight.

How Old Are You?
33

What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night ?
roleplaying

What Is Your Favorite Thing In Your Room?
My bed

Who Did You Last Hug?
Emma

A tribute

Jessica — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 03:03:54 +0000

A couple months ago, I posted about having gone to a beltane ceremony with Emma, and discovering that there was still something from my childhood that was a little more sensative than I’d thought. They wanted us to think of our very first childhood friend, and come up with some good memories about them. So I did some flipping back through my brains very large album of memories, and it struck me. My best friend, Leah. I hadn’t thought about her much in recent years. Everytime I did, I would have this strong urge to find her, and yet I would be too scared to find her for fear she either wouldn’t want to talk to me, or just wouldn’t remember me. But I started talking that day about her, and who she was, and then I started crying. I don’t know where it came from other than the fact that it was a strong sadness I’d been holding in and had been running, or avoiding it for years. So I’ll start from the beginning.
I met Leah in 1983 when we started first grade. I remember how fun she was. I also remember the enitial “are you a boy or a girl?” questions. She struck me as a bit of a tom boy, but then again, I kind of was too. We connected right away. We were always together on the playground laughing about whatever, singing songs, making fun of our fello class mates, just gooffing around. A couple months into the school year, I invited her to spend the night with me. We had planned for me to go to her house for the day, spend it with her family, then she was to come back to my house for the night and spend the next day together with me, and the abominable Kathy and Leonard.
The day with her family went without a hitch. She had both parents, a younger sister, an older sister…white a bit older…and a brother that was a couple years older than us. I’ll always remember one particular conversation. We were getting ready to have lunch. Her mom and her older sister were preparing the food, and the mom asked Leah what kind of sandwich she wanted. She responded with, “Any kind.” Yah, she was pretty laid back. Then, her sister, who was cutting vegetables at the time said Ouch, because she cut her finger. Then, her mom burned herself while cooking, and she said “ouch” right after that. And at six years old, both Leah and I thought that was the most hilarious thing we’d ever heard. Yah, I have a twisted sense of humor, because I love to hear people say ‘ouch.” Anyway, so for the rest of our friendship, that whole “any kind, ouch, ouch,” thing was kind of our little…you know…best friend thing. She laughed at me for the next few years, because later that afternoon, I was pretending to read a book, and made up several whole new endings to the cinderella story.
So we went back to my house that night, and everything seemed ok until I got into trouble the next morning. I don’t remember what my mortal sin was that morning, but…I got spanked by Kathy for no reason. It was something small, and she, like she always did, made a mountain out of a small hill. Then, there were comments made about how Kathy and Leonard were going to sell me. They were always good at saying shit like that in front of friends, or other little girls my age. After the spanking, though, Leah came in and surprised me by hugging me. I was pulling my pants up, balling my eyes out, and she just calmly, not saying anything walked over and put her arms around me. It’s a gesture that to this day, I’ll never forget. I thought these things were normal. Kids got spanked. Kids got beaten. I never thought it was such a bad thing. Apparently, Kathy, the whole time Leah was there was saying little things that would put me down, just because I had a friend there.
Well, the day went, we ended up going somewhere. I forgot where, and we dropped Leah off at home late that night. Apparently, Leah told her mom everything, including the comment that Kathy and Leonard wanted to sell me. Her parents turned Kathy in, and that was when I got the “I don’t want you playing with Leah, she’s bad news” lecture. They’d tell me that Leonard’s friends knew Leah and her family, and they were bad news. I wasn’t even allowed to say her name in the house.
A few months later…spring of 1984…I think, I was invited to another little girl’s birthday party. Almost all the girls in my class were there, including Leah. Kathy came to get me after the party was over. She was visitting with Meredith’s mother, and I needed to use the bathroom really bad. Leah was the first one who volunteered to show me where the bathroom was. So…we came in the house together, I went to the bathroom, and we left. We got home, and they browbeated me about whi I was playing with Leah when I was told not to. I got another spanking. Yep, just because I allowed someone to show me where the bloody bathroom was.
For two years after all that, Leah would try and try to play with me, and I pushed her away. Not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid. Kathy and Leonard used to tlel me know he’d drive by the school every day, and if he saw me doing various things on the playground, I was in trouble. So I was afraid he’d see me having fun with Leah, like normal children who are best friends do. So we argued, Leah and I, about why I wouldn’t or couldn’t play with her.
OK, so fast foreword to fourth grade. I finally got taken out of Kathy and Leonard’s house. That’s a hwole other entry, so I won’t go into it here, but suffice it to say the school had had enough of seeing the marks, watching me get depressed, having me miss school so much they they finally put their foot down. I left in January of 1987, and that was probably the most liberating experience I ever had. For about five months, I had a “normal” childhood. I played outside with friends. I didn’t have to worry about coming home and having the shit beat out of me, I could have my friends over for sleep overs, and…I even got to start playing with Leah again. My second foster mother encouraged it. Leah was almost always over at there house with me, and I even got to know her family very well also. She let me talk when I was sad, or when I was afraid. She saw what I’d gone through for years, and was there when I felt comfortable enough to talk about it. I apologized to her for all the times I snubbed her on the playground. She understood that I did it out of fear. After fourth grade let out, we knew I was going to have to leave. Dad had decided I was to live with him and the good Cathy in Illinois. So Leah and I spent as much time together as we could. We argued a bit, because I think my foster dad was trying to put the moves on her, and I didn’t think it was appropriate. Everybody thought I was crazy for being upset about it. I think we were both upset about the fact that we wouldn’t see each other anymore.
On the last day, her sister, who was aspiring to be a swim teacher was over for our weekly lesson, and just funning around, I pushed Leah in the pool. She got mad, and called me an idiot. I think I appologized to her later, or at least I’d like to think I did, because I still feel bad about it.
So I left. We said our goodbyes. Her littlest sister cried, because she and I got close too, and it was my first time detaching myself from people I’d known and loved for years. We wrote latters, the good Cathy would let me call her once in a while, but it jsut wasn’t the same as us hanging out, acting crazy, teasing each other, whatever. When I was in sixth grade…I believe it was in april or may Mom let me call her, and I’d gotten so angry that every other word was a cuss word. She was so shocked and more than a little disappointed in me, but I was just so mad…about everything…and was bitter. That was the last time we talked.
Just for random curiosity a few years ago, I went on one of the yellow pages sites and I think I found her little sister’s address and telephone number, but when it came to sending her a letter, I chickened out. I just didn’t know what to say. So you can imagine that thinking about Leah stirs up a lot of old feelings, and I’m just very sad. I wonder if we wcould have remained good friends if I hadn’t been so angry, or if I hadn’t moved away. I just don’t know. I’d like to think that maybe with facebook being what it is that she’ll find me, but I just don’t know. I guess if we don’t see each other in this life, there’s always the next. I do believe that souls follow each other into next lives, so We’ll see.

Protected: Games people play

Jessica — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:37:34 +0000

It’s getting hot in here. I’ll take off all my clothes

Jessica — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 02:02:54 +0000

Ha ha! Gotcha Sorry, not removing my clothes for you all. But it sure is a scortcher out there. I’m wondering if mother nature wants to have a BBQ of her own. The least she could have done was given us mercy in the form of either clean beaches, or friends with swimming pools. But know. apparently, that’s too much to ask of the evil merciless bitch.
Anyway, so I’m home. I guess you all know that, but hey. Had to start somewhere right? Saturday night was pretty stress free. I can’t spend one vacation at James’s place without either getting thrown or throwing myself into a hot bath with one or two beers next to me. Yah, you can all go ahead and laugh. I know guys mostly do that, but hey! Who said I had to be a total fem, right? Sonday’s travel went much smoother than I thought it would. We got to the bus station early, I got on the bus early, and we were off. I slept most of the way to Toronto, because, really, what else was I going to do with no wireless internet with which to exercise my pacmate, and only about four hours of sleep from the night before. I got to Toronto early, called James, to let him know, then was whisked off to the bus that would get me across the boarder. I was awake by this time, so I finished the latest Stephanie Plum book, (I’m kind of wondering if this is going to be the last one), and once that was done, began getting acquainted with Laurell K. Hamilton, via the Anita Blake series. So…we get to the boarder at about five after nine, and Ur’ur’ur’urch…low and behold…three charter busses. I think my heart rate and blood pressure went up. I was seeing visions of just missing my rochester bus. You know, the one that leaves at about 10:45 that night, and sitting in the Buffalo terminal killing not one, not two, not three, but four…count them…four hours by twittling my thumbs and trying not to fall asleep, or cry, knowing I wouldn’t see my apartment until about 4:30, and would have to be in work by ten. So I turned MS. Hamilton back on to keep calm, and to keep those visions which were dancing in my head at bay. Finally…at about twenty to ten…we moved. Everybody got off the buss, and we were all processed, and back on the bus by about twenty after. Buffalo, luckily, is only about five minutes from the boarder, so I made it. That glorious steel beast was still there and waiting for me when we arrived. So…I made it home at a semi reasonable hour–reasonable for me anyway–and guess what! My apartment was a bloody oven. I’d left the windows closed and the AC off, because…why leave it on when I’m not here to benefit from it. Obviously, my spirits didn’t need it so… After cooling this place down, I crashed.
It was back to the old saw mill on Monday. The crew was a bit sparce as one person had gone home to her family’s for the weekend, and the other was apparently asked not to come in. It wasn’t all that busy since it was the fifth, and everybody thought we were closed. They had a food day, which I didn’t know about, because…well…I wasn’t there last week. Candi brought ice cream, and as hot as it was, we were surprised that nobody touched it. I shouldn’t have to tell you that I just had to get some with some nice chocolate sauce and marachino cherries. That made my day.
Yesterday was crazy as was today. Both girls were back today. I had a small training for a new project we’re working on, and it was back to work as usual.
I’m hoping to do something this weekend. Emma texted me the other day asking if I wanted to get together, and I responded by telling her yes, because I had a lot to tell her. I haven’t heard back yet. I imagine she’s probably pretty busy. I’d heard a rumar floating around that Heather’s phone isn’t on, so I’m going to have to figure out a way of bothering her at some point, so we’ll see.
I don’t immagine much is going to happen tomorrow or Friday, but I’m sure i’ll be popping up in here if anything does. But in the mean time. I’m going to go see if I can find something to drink. No alcahol, folks. It’s Wednesday, and I’d rather not show up at work all hung over tomorrow.
OK, I”m out before I say anything else stupid.

Dude, get out of my head already!

Jessica — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:59:25 +0000

So about a day or two after James proposed, I dreamed. It was so freaky that I woke up at some ungodly hour, and woke James up too. Basicly, I dreamed that I was in a room with Joe, and he tried proposing to me. Of course, I had to ask why, and he answered with some nonsense about how he figured that since James proposed, he’d give it a shot too so I could decide. I think you all, or those of you who know me well, can guess what I said. I think I WTFed for a second, and then asked exactly what the purpose of his proposing to me would be. Then, I basicly said “fuck this shit.” and ended up turning my back to him, I guess trying to go to sleep. Then, he started climbing on me, and peering over me to look at my face. I don’t know how many times I told him to leave me alone or how many times he got all up in my face, before he finally screamed “fuck you!” and I finally woke up.
It’s weird that I haven’t dreamed about him since…I can’t even remember when. Now, something good happens in my life. I finally find someone stable, and with no control, anger, or I-don’t-know-what-I-want issues, and I see him in a dream again. I think the last time I dreamed about him, I was still in my nice 2-bedroom apartment, and I dreamed he let himself into my apartment, and climbed into bed with me. Dude, get over it and get out of my head. Go find some old granny-like lady who will be willing to put up with your pious, chauvinistic, woman-hating, homophobic, religious wanna-be arse.

Protected: The last few days

Jessica — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 21:30:08 +0000

Just a friendly note to facebook

Jessica — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 18:56:31 +0000

Dearest facebook
Just when I think you can’t possibly be more inaccessible, and more of a pain in all parts of my anatomy including parts I do not have, You rise to the occasion. I just need to know one thing here. Why is it that just because I may log in on a different computer, I automaticly a hacker? Am I that much of a bad girl that you have to make me go through a bunch of stupid, moronic, and rediculous hoops just so I can be told that I have to come back in an hour, because you don’t like my answers. I don’t go on face book much as it is, because you’ve got your site so bloody convaluted that going there makes my whole body quiver in pain after I’m done with what I need to do on there. Now, in order to log in from another computer, I have to look at pictures I can’t see, and try to tell you who I think they are. First of all, I used audio captia instead of the regular one. Did it occur to you that that was possibly because, um…I couldn’t see the regular captia. Did it ever occur to you that if I can’t see the regular captia, I won’t be ablle to make out the pictures? Also, even if I could see them, Some of those people, while I’ve ben in touch with them for years, I have no earthly idea what they look like. What ever happened to the old fassioned security questions? Why do we have to be shut out because you’ve got us doing things we can’t do? It’s just another computer, folks. I’m not a freaking hacker. Get a bloody clue, oh dearest facebook airheads, and fix your broken site.
No love
Your neighborhood annoyance.

A very important announcement

Jessica — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 02:06:03 +0000

As most of you know, I made my escape from Rochester for a week to take a trip across the border to spend James’s birthday with him. He’d been spending my birthdays with me, so I thought it only fair. I didn’t know what to give him, since he’s so easy to please and hard to buy fore, but his one request for his birthday was…little innocent me…Yah right. LOL! So I digress here. Little did I know, I was going to be the one recieving the surprise of my life. I had just gotten in, and we were relaxing on Saturday night when he all of a sudden went to a dresser drawer, grabbed something, came back, got down almost on one knee, and proposed to me, while putting the ring on my finger. We had been talking about it, but in the situation our lives are in at the moment, with my massage stuff, and his looking for work, and possibly going back to school, I figured it would be a while before it would actually be siriously talked about. But as of Saturday night5, James and I are officially engaged. Obviously, it’s going to be a while, as we have a lot of logictics to work out when dealing with two different countries, and both of us having family in all different places, so we don’t have a date yet. But we have made a step in the right direction, as this is something we both want, and are going to work toward. Naturally, I will be keeping you all abreast of any developments from here on out.
I have already informed most of the important members of my family. Mum took it better than I thought she would. She talked to him, and I think she realizes that I have picked a good one this time. Uncle Jim informed me that if he’s not told when and where, he’s going to be very upset. Mom thinks Grandma will be happy, but we’ll find out tomorrow. I also have to write my brother in prison to tell him. James’s family is all for it. His mother was the one who helped him pick out the ring. of course, his brother had to tease him, telling him not to do it, calling him a dumb ass and all that, but it was all in good fun.
I will be writing more about what’s been going on later, but I felt that something like this needded it’s own entry, because it’s important, and I really feel like I’m doing the right thing this time. I know it’s going to be a bit of a hard road, but I know that this is what I want, and I also know that it will all work out.;

My Gaelic name?

Jessica — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 00:07:59 +0000

I love how all you have to do is just punch in your first name, and it’ll just randomly generate something. This things just amuse me.
Actually, I’m beeing a bit sarcastic. I don’t normally do these things often, but since I can apreciate all things Irish and Gaelic, I figured I’d post it.

Your Gaelic Name is Morven Edana

Time is a good story teller

What’s Your Gaelic Name?

Blogthings: Discover the Parts of Your Personality that Have Been Hiding

Thoughts on independence and accepting help

Jessica — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 22:52:39 +0000

Today I went to the monthly taro meetup at the local psychic store here. I really enjoy these, because not only can you learn and gain insight on doing readings for others, but we can sometimes gain some insight into our own lives. We are able to do practice mini readings on each other, so a lot of us have questions that we can get some answers to. Today, we did some comparative taro reading where we got into groups of three, and compared the same card from different decks. Well, I asked a question that has been on my mind for about a week or so.
I’ll start with some background. I met Emma at the firewalk that we did back in March. A firewalk can be a very healing experience, because you have to walk on hot coals. It’s not as bad as you may think though. Anyone who knows about reflexology will know that the foot has pressure points that lead to all parts of the body. The toes represent the head and face, and the heal represents the lower half of the body. If you’re walking on hot coals, you’ll know where the most sensative points are on the foot, because you’ll feel them more than other parts. So this way, you can learn more about what’s going on inside the body.
OK, so I digress. I really didn’t want to go to this, because I just didn’t think I was ready. But Heather talked me into it, and so I went. I have to say that I’m glad I did. One thing Heather talked to me about, though, was the fact that the lady who was heading this thing asked at one point if I needed any help. Well, if you know me, you know that I have a hard time accepting long term help like that. I knew she already had a lot to do, and I figured I’d just ask whoever was next to me as I went, so I told her no. Plus, I have quite a bit of sight, and I figured I’d be ok. So I didn’t want to burden her with yet another task. Well, Heather said she took it to mean I was just closing myself off, and I just wanted everybody to leave me alone. Emma and I really connected, and I was looking foreword to a new friendship. Well, I went to a beltane celebration with her and a girlfriend of her’s and we ended up having a really good time. Everything started off ok. I knew she was busy, because she was going through nursing school, and working a fulltime job, so I figured we could hang out once in a while, but not very often, as she’s just very busy. Anyway, we were texting a few weeks ago, and talking about plans. She’s off on Saturdays, so I figured it would be perfect. I told her I was going grocery shopping in the morning, but I was free all afternoon. So then she texts back with an offer to take me to the grocery store. Now, I just wanted to get together, talk, have coffee, whatever. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to take care of me. I have had too many friends in the past who were only friends out of pitty, or because they had some unspoken obligation to take care of the poor blind girl, because…she can’t defend herself, do anything for herself, ect. So…I said no, because I wanted to get together to do fun stuff. When texting, it’s difficult to say what you want in only so many characters. Well, we got together, had coffee, came back here, did the taro comparison thing, and she went home. We hugged, said goodbye, everything was good, but since she moved, I haven’t heard from her. She moved into the city, so she’ll be closer, so I thought it would be perfect.
So I asked about it today. I dont’ remember what cards I ended up drawing accept for one, but two of them seemed to have something to do with balance. People draining people of energy, and not letting them. I told my group the story, and they basicly said what heather said about allowing people to help once in a while, because that’s what friendship is all about. Everybody knows that If I can do something for someone, I will. If Emma needed a massage, I’d do it. If she needed help cleaning her house, I’d do it. If she just needed someone to listen when she’s frustrated, I’d do it. So there’s nothing wrong with allowing someone once in a while to take me grocery shopping, or runn erands. I wouldn’t expect it all the time obviously, but they basicly said, “if she offers again, accept it.” So hopefully, I’ll get the chance again with her. I picked the 2 of cups, so maybe, hopefully. They suggested to give her a couple of days, and then try to call her, because maybe she just didn’t get the text I sent her.
I guess I really have a hard time with this, because I was raised to be totally self reliant, and not to burden others. I was also told as a child that I was just in the way, and eventually I’d be dead before ai was 21. So a lot of times, I feel that asking for help once in a while would just do nothing but make things harder for the person I’d be asking, and I dont’ want them to hold a grudge against me. So to avoid such awkward moments, most of the time, it’s just easier to figure out a way to do it myself. It’s difficult sometimes, but I’ve made it so far.
I would love to have more sighted friends, but I want to be equal with them, not be “taken care of” by them. I guess I just have a hard time finding that balance.

Forgive the clutter. We’re renovating.

James — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 22:48:17 +0000

Hey there. Friendly neighbourhood webmaster here. Occasionally, I also double as a boyfriend. The blog’s going through a bit of a content overpopulation at the moment, mostly to do with introducing a whole bunch of posts from the days of LiveJournal to this otherwise far from established blog. Unfortunately, it means for the next few days things may bare a striking resemblence to a war zone. We’re working on fixing things, but in the meantime, if something should go break during your browsing of the site, point it out in a comment and/or email and it’ll get looked at ASAP. And now, back to semi-regular pontifications from the girl in charge.

quiet Sunday night

Jessica — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 02:08:00 +0000

These last few days have been pretty exhausting. Not bad, just busy. I actually worked six days this week, plus my double time for monday, which means nice big pay check for me. Cha-ching! And I’m going to need it, as I’m taking a trip up to James’s place for his birthday this year. I didn’t get to last year, because it fell in the middle of the week, and I couldn’t get the time off what with school and work together. So this will be my first time doing something for him for his birthday for a change. He’s been able to be with me for two of mine, so why not. Plus, I’ll get to see what Canada day is like. Unfortunately, I’ll be traveling back on the forth, but it shouldn’t be too bad until I cross the border.
I got an email from the lady at the department of education earlier this week, so everything’s a go there. And I found out that the commission’s going to reimburse me for my second go-around. So I’m going to study like a maniac for the next couple of months. Thank god I still have my thumb drive with all my notes. Plus, I still have that massage exam site I can go to. I have to do well on this one. I won’e expect 100 percent, but I need to get over 75 percent. Now, I just have to get Mike to tell me yay or nay as to whether or not I’m riding down with him again. Looks like I’m going to have to be proactive on that one.
Work is going well. I worked some overtime, and I’m fitting into the contract pretty quickly. I’ve always been able to learn things fast, but when it comes to dealing with people and doing it fast and efficiently, I get anxious. There’s still a few things I don’t know, but I’ve got Candi, Julie, and my supervisor to ask if I need anything.
So other than that, it’s been pretty low key around here. Heather’s gone away for a couple weeks, and I think Emma’s busy settling into her new place. So I haven’t really gone anywhere socially this weekend. Hopefully that’ll change in the next couple of weeks.
I also graduated from the training of the star treck roleplaying game. I’m learning that it’s been a while since I’ve watch any star treck, and probably need to do so again. I used to love voyager and DS9, and I have them all, as well as next gen, but I just haven’t sat down and watched them in a long time. So I need to think of a character, and figure out when I’m going to play and all that happy stuff. I’m really hoping this will help me reopen my creative side. I haven’t done any creative writing in a very long time, and since it’s one of my passions, I feel like I’m really denying myself that.
Well, I think I’ve written enough, so I’m going to pop back into my hole over here. I’ll pop out again soon.

This week so far

Jessica — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 01:41:11 +0000

These last few days have been busy for sure. It’s been good for me, and it makes the time go faster, but boy have things been eventful.
Monday I worked. Yes, folks, it’s the first memorial day I actually worked. Can you believe that. The best part is…I got double time. Cha ching! It was also dead as a bloody doornail, so Tasha and i ended up talking, and after she left I just read. I think I can count on one hand the calls I got. And for double time? Can’t beat that.
I also got a text from Heather asking if I could help her with her gardin and go to dinner with them. She picked me up at five when I got off work, and I was to discover that she decided not to do the gardening after all, as she was exhausted, and her hands were hurting from the drum making she’d been doing all weekend, so I didn’t get to play in the dirt. I was disappointed about this, because…you all know I love to get messy and dirty, and all that other stuff horticulturists like to do. So, we ended up just going to olive garden with Kenny, Heather, Renee and her fiance, a and this other friend of Renee’s. I stuffed myself, like a pig, as I always do. I even got Tirameesu. Then Kenny and heather needed to do some shopping. I guess Kenny needed a couple of things, and since Heather was going away for a couple of weeks for more drum making, she needed a few things, so we ended up at the Christmas Tree store, and Marshalls. Oh, and did I mention how difficult it apparently is to find jsut a simple strapless bra? Yah, not Walmart, or Marshalls. Anyway, so I digress. We ende dup looking around, they got what they needed, then I came home.
Yesterday, work was crazy busy. I think they were all making up for the holiday. I went straight to Candi and Kyles right after. I’d promised them I’d bring cup cakes from Sugar mountain, but they had to be closed on Monday. Bastards! LOL! So I didn’t get to do that. But Candi’s mom saved the day when she made both white and chocolate cup cakes, whcih we promptly dug into after supper. We were going to play uno, but Candi’s uno deck seemed to have done a disappearing act, and we both totally forgot how to play mellborn. Sucks too, because I used to love that game. We jsut had some nice time out on the balcony with Lessa the cat, and Kyle trying to dare me to pea off the balcony while these dudes were across the court yard. I’m not sure I’d have even done that drunk much less sober. LOL! I got my feline therapy, and we all got to talk outside of work, and it was just al all around good night.
I went straight to work from there this morning. Almost was late, because I rushed out this morning not knwoing that lift line was running half an hour late. Kyle fixed breakfast, and because I didn’t have a whole lot of time, I shuvvled it down and rushed out. I ended up sitting out there for 45 minutes. GRRR!
Tonight is just a low key day. I am assuming Heather did her planting, because I haven’t heard from her today, and she’s going away for two weeks for drum making, so no dirt for me. GRRR! Tomorrow night is my last night of training with the roleplaying group, then I have to come up with a character and figure out where I want to play. I don’t know what’s going on this weekend. I haven’t heard from Emma either, so I may text her and see what she’s up to. She just moved, so I imagine things are still a bit crazy in her world right now. So we’ll see.
I’m going to close this so James doesn’t think I’m ignoring him, and also, because I’ve babbled on enough. Oh, I forgot to mention, I finished the sixth book in the outlander series today finally. I’m starting the seventh book. Also trying to figure out what I’m going to read next.
Be back later.

Humble request to the universe

Jessica — Sun, 30 May 2010 21:09:44 +0000

Dear universe and to any god or goddess that is listening,

I’m not sure how close to the full moon we are, but I feel I need to make an appeal to whoever is listening. So summer is…well…pretty much here. OK, so it doesn’t officially start until June 21st, but work with me here, dammit! I’m watching the weather get nice, people are out doing things, I guess I’m really feelin the summer spirit here. I was home and bored today, and looked at the strictly plutonic section of our local craig’s list, and I was surprised to se so many others looking for exactly the same thing. It makes me want to go swimming, go on boat rides, go to water parks, go walking, get hit by random water balloons or squert guns, ECT. Now, doing sed things is really boring when done alone, you know. What I’m asking for is a group of people with whom to do some or all these things with. It doesn’t have to be just one person all of the time, because I am well aware that people can’t have fun every weekend, but I’m just asking for a few people to come in my life who are interested in doing random and fun summer-type things on the weekends instead of sitting at home. It doesn’t even have to be every weekend, but I’m just looking to have fun this summer and enjoy good times with good company. Please don’t make me have to do an add on craig’s list, because…that could sometimes be, um…scary. Oh, and to any deities that deal with money? a little extra of that wouldn’t hurt either.
Lots of love and faithfulness,
One loan subject who has too much energy bottled up.

Another pyramid found?

Jessica — Sun, 30 May 2010 16:07:09 +0000

So I was reading my RSS feeds, and found the following article.

http://paganwiccan.about.com/b/2010/05/18/pyramid-tomb-found-in-mexico.htm

I have always been drawn to pyramids and have always wanted to see them. I had no idea until recently that the mayas used them as well as the Egyptians. When I had that lexigram done a few years ago, that was one of the lives I lived. So to hear about this, really interests me. It says they believe this was even built before the Mayan civilization. That is very interesting to me, because I wonder what the people were before they were Mayans. Makes me wonder if Atlantis had pyramids too.

First real update in a long time

Jessica — Sun, 30 May 2010 14:56:08 +0000

I’m trying to get back into this whole blogging thing. I stopped when things got so crazy with school and drama that I didn’t think anyone particularly cared to hear about, and I’m hoping all of that has calmed down.
These last few days have been pretty eventful. I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but I got a new position at work, so my schedule changed. I’m back to my 10-7 shift that I started with when I very first started at the call center. So I’m getting home much later than usual, and am able to sleep in a littel later than usual. So I’m not able to do as much in the evenings as I used to, because as soon as I get home, I eat, talk to James, and I’m pretty well wiped.
I signed up with the orgainzation James is in for the star treck roleplaying. I haven’t watched an episode of star treck in a very long time. I guess I should. I have them all, but I’ve always got too much to do. LOL! But I used to watch it all the time once I had winamp and all the episodes. So I’ve been training with that and getting to know the ropes.
I finally got together with Heather last week for breakfast and we were able to catch up. I hadn’t seen or heard from her in a couple of weeks, so apparently, a lot happened, as it’s totally not like her to go weeks without tweeting or contacting me.
I’ve been making other friends as well. I met Emma at the firewalk I attended back in April, and we connected well. We went to a beltane ceremony together, back at the beginning of may, and since it was my first real Beltane, I had no idea what I was doing. But it was very informal, and the people were awesome. The theme was based on friendship, and it was then that I realized I was still holding onto some sadness about another childhood friend from Idaho who I haven’t spoken to since sixth grade. But I digress. So, Emma and I got together here again a couple Fridays ago, and we had coffee and talked. She brought in both her taro decks and we started comparing decks. It was awesome.
Things with James are going good. I went up in March, as some of you know, and I’m not sure when I’ll be able to go up again at this point. I’d really like to get started on asking questions about what I need to do to eventually move up there, but he says all he can get are voice mails of people. I have absolutely no idea who I need to call, so I’m a bit clueless when it comes to that stuff.
My psycho neighbor moved out, so I won’t get my floor banged on at 2 in the afternoon. Cheech and Chong moved out, so I won’t get contact highs when I’m in the basement doing my laundry. My AC went out, but they brought a new one, so I’m mostly set for the summer. Now, if only they could put a swimming pool in here. LOL! I tease Kim and Julie, because Kim has talked about putting a pool in their back yard. I tell them, You’ll be seeing a lot of me then. LOL! I can’t help it. Water is theraputic for me.
Family situation hasn’t changed. Grandma moved to Washington DC. with my uncle, or should I say they’re in the process of moving. He got orders to go there, and he really wants her to stick with him for various reasons. Grandma wants me to come down and visit again. She’s hoping to get Mom and Spook to go around Christmas, and if I can get the time off, I might kidnap James and take him too. Mom’s still in Oklahoma. My brother inded up in prison. Uncle Jim was supposed to come visit me last week, and when he got to the truck stop, his boss told him I was too far, and he wasn’t going for it. That was a real let down. He’s my favorite uncle, and I haven’t seen him since 1998, so I was very disappointed.
Candi and I still hang when we can. I wanted to wait until things settled down in her world with school and things. I’m happy for her and Kyle because they’re pregnant. I know they’ve wanted that, and I’m glad it’s happened. Tasha and I have been civil. She’s back to who she was when we first became friends, but I still don’t trust her. But, we talk at work, and no drama, so I guess that’s ok. Julie and Kim are doing well. I still hang with them when our schedules permit. Chi left for a while, but then came back, so I don’t know when we’ll be hanging again. We went to a psych fair back in March, and we had a good time, but that’s the last time we’ve hung out. She ended up moving to Washington D.C. with some guy, and that didn’t work out, so she’s back now.
So, that’s about it in a nut shell. Last night, I went out with Bonnie, Nancy, and Jeff to a new place called Marks. Well, it’s new to me anyway. It’s a little diner type thing i guess. We ended up having a good time.
Well, I’m going to end this now, because it’s gotten too long. I’ve got more grocery shopping to do today, and I’ll be cleaning and things. Yay!

Is internet Broadcasting the in thing now?

Jessica — Sun, 30 May 2010 02:14:51 +0000

As I look at my twitter time lines everyday, I’m noticing that internet brodcasting seems to be THE hobby for more and more people. I’m either seeing people talking about it, or promoting their shows or someone else’s, and it got me thinking. When my best friend Desiree and I were in Junior high, we used to do things like that. Now, granted, we didn’t have internet, nore did we have a radio station in wich to work, but we did have duel cassette recorders, mocrophones, and music mixers. Well…she had the music mixer. Anyway, so we would go on tape and pretend we were doing radio shows. Sometimes we’d do them alone and trade them the next day, sometimes we’d meet at one or the other’s house and do them together. Umfortunately, I don’t have thes joint efforts anymore, or I’d show dimonstrations to those interested. It was always in the back of my mind as something that would be really cool to do, but then again, those tapes were for us. We didn’t ahve to worry about making total arses of ourselves for a bunch of people to hear. We could be as crazy as we wanted to be, becuase we knew that not even our parents would hear them. In some cases, this was a good thing.
So now, I see people actually doing this over the internet…for the reals. People either phone in, call in on skype, or IM in with requests or something whitty and funny to say on the shows. As much as I would love to be able to do something like this, now that we have awesome technology to do so, I’m kind of afraid to do it, because it would be just like all the other guys and gals out there doing radio shows on the net. I’m a creative person, but if I were to do something like that, what could I possibly do. There’s already shows with music in every genre, you have your chat shows, the funny and the serious, I just don’t know. Maybe since I work for an insurance hot line, I should do something where people call in about their health insurance? Let me think about that one for a second. NO!!! I’m not a sex doctor, so that’s out. I’m not, nor do I ever want to be like DR. Laura, so that’s totally out. I’m most definitely not doing taro readings over the net, because for one thing, I’m not experienced enough to be doing that for people, and for another, I don’t think that kind of thing should be done on a public channel for all to hear. So somebody give me more ideas, and maybe I can fuse them together, or…something. I thought of soem kind of karioke, or parity thing, but I just don’t know. Plus, I have no idea how I would even get set up on something like that. Do you have to install special software, or hardware? I have a microphone, windows media player, and winamp, I’ve got tons of music, and could get more if I needed it, I don’t have a program for karioke yet, but I imagine with a little looking, that could be obtained.
So these are just my thoughts about the matter. My mother thought I was weird when Desiree and I were kids, because we loved recording things and pretending. I just had no idea that I was doing something that a lot of other kids my age thought about, but are now able to bring into fruition.

I finally made it into the 21st century

Jessica — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:05:44 +0000

So I’ve been with Verizon and have had my NV2 for about two years now. It was kind of one of those, I got dumped and stimmulated, so I’m going to go spend money, kind of things. So since it’s been about two years, I became eligible for an upgrade and renewal of my contract. I’d heard mixed reviews about both the android and the HTC Ozone with talks, so I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I didn’t fall into the I-phone craze either, and I know AT&T hates me, so I wasn’t sure how much better switching to them would be. So a coworker showed me her HtC Ozone. She was the original one who was singing the NV2′s praises back two years ago, so I still wasn’t sure. But I’ve been on a Verizon email list, and have heard others talk about it, so I figured I’d do it.
I finally ordered it a couple weeks ago, and after three tries on Fed-ex’s part to get it to me, and after the kindness of my next door neighbor, I got it last thursday. Getting things going was a bit hairy however. I didn’t have a license number, and you need that to get full use of the program. I was to discover two things. First, whoever put talks on the phone didn’t install it right, so it was doing all sorts of weird things. I tried installing it again, but the techie person I was talking to didn’t tell me that I needed the license for it in order to do that until after the fact. Second of all, even though you purchase the phone with talks, you still have to pay the $00 registration fee in order to get full use. You get talks on the phone, but you only pay for very limmitted use of it. If I’d have known that, I would gotten the free ozone, then installed talks on it and payed the $99 registration fee. Live and learn. I just wish they were a bit more informative about it so people could make a knowledgeable and well-informed decision about it. I certainly don’t mind paying for registration and all, but I probably could have saved a bit of money.
So once I got things going, after having to completely reformat the thing to reinstall talks correctly, which, may I say here, really isnt’ that hard to do, and getting the number, I got things working quite nicely. Soem people say this version of talks is slow, but I don’t see that. I love my phone. I can actually…oh my god…edit my texts. I can see who they’re from. I can edit my contacts, and I can play with ring tones. I haven’t been brave enough to do email, IM and internet on it yet, but i imagine that’ll come in time.
So like everything else, this late-bloomer has arrived into the 21st century.

The long awaited massage board saga

Jessica — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:07:06 +0000

OK, so I haven’t blogged about this yet, because I just simply didn’t know what to say or how to put what I was thinking about it into words. Those of you who read my twitter know most of the story, but not everybody uses or reads twitter, so I’m going to tell it from the beginning.
Back at the end of January, as you all know, I took a day off, and a nice road trip to Siracuse to take the New York State Boards exam for massage therapy. I was anxious about it from start to finish. The night before, I tried things from drinking a bunch of martinis and smernoff wine coolers, to going swimming in the hotel’s pool. I was instructed by the loving boyfriend that under no circumstances was I to study that night, as I’d been studying like a maniac up until that point. But after my very much needed swim, I went back to my room to find my roommate, emily either headed toward slumber, or already there. So I left so as not to disturbe her, and ended up in another student’s room, doing sed forbidden studying. We didn’t study long though. We ended up talking, somebody got a massage, and I eventually went to bed.
The next morning I was up, showered and full from a nice breakfast, and ready to go. You all hav eno idea how nervous I was that day. I think I was so nervous I ended up getting some questions wrong just because of that. I knew I missed a few, but was unsure as to just how many I missed.
I ended up riding with some of the day students, so my classmates showed up later, and they were all pretty nervous, and afterword, angry about how the test was written. My friend, Mike was especially nervous, as he’s hoping to make a solid career out of it.
We drove home in the midst of a nice snow storm. Mother nature had decided to freak us all out, I guess so we could forget about the test and all the questions we got wrong. I got home, called James, and balled my eyes out, thinking I was a complete loser, and that I’d never amount to anything.
Well, time went on, I started hanging with Heather, and learning magic and things, I tried my best not to think about the test or what the results would be. In March, I finally got the results. I didn’t know how to read it, so I called Heather and had her come over. Guys, I failed. Not by much; only two bloody points, but nonetheless, I failed. Heather came over and read it. I cried on her shoulder. She left, I called James at his mother’s place, interrupting family time and told him while balling. Hung up, cried my eyes out again, and the next night, I skipped the country. Granted, the vacation was planned, but still.
So, after the vacation, and all the enitial “oh shit, I failed.” I got help filling out the form to challenge the exam. Turns out that mike only missed his by one point, so he also had applied to challenge it as well, so we decided we’d ride down together. I went doan at the end of april to Albany with Mike to challenge it, and most of those questions, I just kept thinking “I’m such a dumb ass.” I kept wondering why I picked some of the answers I picked, and recognizing that it had to be nothing but nerves, because I knew the shit. I ended up challenging a couple, but I got the latter last week, and low and behold, no change. Same with old Mike.
So…we’re going for the retake in August. I’m going to study like a bloody maniac, try not to be so nervous–fat chance–and pass this bloody thing if it kills me.
I’ll go on with my original plan; find some kind of work in a spa, or something until I either start my own business, or end up in Ontario, so at least I’ll have something to show. I know I’m not a loser. I know my stuff, because if I didn’t, I would ahve failed by a lot more, and wouldn’t have retaken it. Part of me thought of not retaking it, but I kept hearing my late father’s voice saying “I didn’t raise a quitter.” Yah, sometimes it’s hard to keep pushing, but we have to, or we won’t move foreword.
So…please, I need good thoughts, positive energy, ECT., Because I’m going to need it. And…I look foreword to another roadtrip with Mike, and maybe the beatles. LOL!

Catching up

Jessica — Sun, 09 May 2010 05:58:06 +0000

So after weeks of incessent nagging by the loving boyfriend, I got off my fat lazy arse and checked my RSS feeds. He set this up for me quite a while ago, and eventually set it up so I could read my friends page on LJ. I just hadn’t gotten to it until this afternoon. It was amazing what I saw from not reading the friends page for such a long time. People are graduating from college, Couples I thought had broken up are still together, One couple did break up after thinking they might be able to work things out, Someone’s moving into their own place next year, and someone is starting their own business. I even found a couple taro decks I’m halfway tempted to purchase at some point. I finally finished reading all of my RSS feeds, and I’m beginning to wonder if James and I switched boddies for a few hours. It’s almost 2:00 in the morning, and he’s dead to the world, and I’ve done RSS feeds all night. At least when I went to bed, I at least said good night without just disappearing. haha! So if we’re switching places, I wonder if I should go all out and start watching a hockey game. I just thought about it, and decided absolutely not. I’m going to go bac, to being Jessica, and lay on my fat lazy ass in my bed with my Diana Gabaldon book until I fall asleep.
Today was a very productive day. I got my grocery shopping done early, came back hear and was able to relax a bit befor braving the strong wind and walking up to the taro meet up the local psychic store has once a month. Had to cab it home, because Mother nature decided it would be amusing to add rain into the mix. I repotted more of my snake plants, then started doing RSS feeds. I hoped my friend, Emma would want to hang this weekend, but she’s got some things going on, so we’ll probably hang next week.
So it was nice to be able to catch up with everybody finally and see what’s been going on in everybody’s lives. Now, It’s off to bed with me.

These last couple of months

Jessica — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:42:17 +0000

It has been forever since I’ve blogged, and it really bothers me, because as much as I love to write, one would think I would have had a lot to say, but I just haven’t felt inspired to write anything. After finishing school I turned into a hermit, because I’d been so busy and stressed out for the last year and a half that I just turned into myself and enjoyed not having to be anywhere. I guess I just disconnected from everybody, and turned more to reading instead. But during that time I ahve been doing some soul searching, and have learned a lot from my friend Heather, and others, and I’m hoping to be able to put all of that into words as well. I did get a new promotion and started that last week, so my working hours have changed. I’m starting work later in the morning which is good for me, as I am not much good to anyone in the morning. If I could I’d work an overnight shift, but I can dream, can’t I? I’ve had an ordeal with the massage exam, which I will go into more detail about later on And I’ve gotten back into my plants again. One day, I will have that green house.
So that, in a nut shell has been my last couple of months. I’m sorry to all of you that I usually talk to. I guess I’ve just turned into myself for comfort and for learning about myself, and just haven’t been the best at staying connected. I will work on that now that I’m starting to come out of the ground. LOL!